Now that I think we are largely clear on the hows and wheres of Dad's surgery amd recuperation, my mind is starting to turn to how we help him in the period between now and when his treatment starts in earnest. In talking to a very good friend this evening, he made the valid point that I/he/we (Team Farquhar) should try to make best use of the time to do things together that are particularly meaningful to us/Dad.
That struck a chord with me and yet I could not help but think that for Dad, at the moment, life must feel somewhat as a relatively young, new boarder feels at the very end of the school holidays: the sense of foreboding that you know a very difficult time is coming and that somehow, it influences all aspects of how you behave and how you feel . I remember vivdly my complete lack of desire to eat lunch on the day I went back to boarding school: the butterflies in the tummy somehow would not allow it. Similarly, it didn't really matter what you did or others organised to try to take one's mind off going back, the bottom line was that I couldn't forget and the butterflies remained flying around the pit of my stomach.
So when it is suggested that we should do things together as a family, or part of family, between now and when the medical lights turn green, my hunch is that he is not interested. I gently suggested him coming to the Cheltenham National Hunt Festival for a day with me. It did not surprise me a jot that he dismissed the idea in a flash. To be fair, he has never been a fan of going to the really big race meetings. He has always been happier to watch the main races on telly from his comfortable sofa and then potter down to William Hill to watch the last couple of races there. He has done the same for Cheltenham and Royal Ascot for as long as I can remember.....a creature of habit!
Knowing him as I do, my sense is that he will be most happy pottering around at home (watching Deal or No Deal, with a bar of chocolate, a can of Coke and a packet of Silk cut all within easy reach), whilst having lots of upbeat and cheerful contact from his family between now and the commencement of hostilities against the offending tumour. If we start to behave in a manner completely out of the ordinary, or start suggesting outlandish trips that we would, in all honesty, never have contemplated in normal circumstances, I suspect it will merely serve to exacerbate his sense of discomfort about what is upcoming. Nonetheless, I shall raise the subject with him tomorrow, as my hunch/sense is not enough......I need to know how he wants to play the next few days/weeks. This is harking back to my earlier post once again. I want to answer the "what if?" question now, rather than wish at some stage down the line, possibly too late, that I had addressed it earlier.
The old boy tried to get me to make him a promise today. I have inherited his passion for racing and my favourite four days of the year is the Cheltenham National Hunt Festival. I look forward to it over the entire winter and spend the whole week there. I am among the first people onto the racecourse every day and among the last to leave every evening: in short, it helps me get through the winter. For many, it is skiing that does it; knowing that they will be on top of a sun-drenched mountain in beautiful air in mid March helps them get through the dark mornings and dark afternoons of December and January. For me, it is knowing that I will be standing on the lawn in front of the grandstand as the starter springs the tapes at the start of the Supreme Novice Hurdle, the first race on the first day. Back to the promise he wanted me to make!
We very much hope that he will be operated on at some point in the next three/four weeks. There is therefore a chance (albeit odds against!) that it may be during Cheltenham week. He wanted me to promise that I would not break my Cheltenham marathon to come back to London to be with/near him and, arguably more importantly, the rest of Team Farquhar. I was not prepared to make that promise. I told him that I wanted to retain the option to come back to London should I so wish, be it for what I perceived as my benefit, his benefit, Mole's benefit or for anyone else in Team Farquhar's benefit.
I know why he said it. He wants life, insofar as it can, to go on as normal and does not want routines to change. I understand why, but equally I recognise that, as of Diagnosis Day, my life, his life, all of our lives changed. The rule book that governed day to day life until this Monday no longer applies. So, whilst I do not expect to be in London during Cheltenham week, there is no way that I will give him a promise that I may not wish to keep, because I would rather be somewhere other than Cheltenham and be with people other than my racing fogies.
It may not be what he wanted me to say, but I hope he understood why I said it.
No comments:
Post a Comment